Sunday, December 7, 2008

can you hear me being torn?

"No one wants or ever bothers to explain, of the heartache life can bring and what it means..."

I feel like I'm caught in this tug of war within myself constantly. 80 % of me is so happy and in love with the simple tiny things that make me feel warm and gooey inside like a world covered in snow, warm chocolate chip cookies fresh out of the oven, candles burning in my tiny cute little apartment, a warm blanket to curl up in... However, the other 20 % of me is battling those moments when I look around and try to tell myself how happy I am, and it tugs and pulls and tears at my heart, giving me a slow, uncomfortable burn of loneliness and disappointment, dissatisfaction and just plain old pain. I don't know how to deal with it?! The more I try to mask it and give myself over to the majority of my feelings - the happy, the peaceful, the joy of living... the deeper the hurt burns.


I just want to sit down and cry sometimes. I have the next couple days off, maybe I'll lock myself away alone and do just that... cry and think and cry some more until its all gone and out of me. I don't ever want to stop feeling - because its not who I am, but I just don't want to feel THIS anymore.


katieleigh said...

there will always be bad days, trust me. try to enjoy the good ones and take the positives out of everything... sounds corny but if you think of the worst possible scenario you'll realise that things can be much worse


jb said...

If you have been following my blog, you would have noticed that I have felt like this and still feel like this.

I don't want to stop feeling but sometimes, if not most of the time, I do want it to stop, just so that I can take a breather from all this pain.

Then I realise, that it's only me that is the cause and the solution to all this.

You have to take the good with the bad, the bad with the good and all the things in beween will come together. But first and formost, you need to be grateful,whole,and somewhat happy.

Try to always remember, where you've been and where you're going and where you may never go.

Never give up on yourself, because only you can walk down the path of life that you choose for yourself.

Never stop feeling, crying, laughing, hurting, just let it flow and a new day will rise from all of this,you will see. I promise.

That's the Word

saveyoursoul said...