"No one wants or ever bothers to explain, of the heartache life can bring and what it means..."
I feel like I'm caught in this tug of war within myself constantly. 80 % of me is so happy and in love with the simple tiny things that make me feel warm and gooey inside like a world covered in snow, warm chocolate chip cookies fresh out of the oven, candles burning in my tiny cute little apartment, a warm blanket to curl up in... However, the other 20 % of me is battling those moments when I look around and try to tell myself how happy I am, and it tugs and pulls and tears at my heart, giving me a slow, uncomfortable burn of loneliness and disappointment, dissatisfaction and just plain old pain. I don't know how to deal with it?! The more I try to mask it and give myself over to the majority of my feelings - the happy, the peaceful, the joy of living... the deeper the hurt burns.
TELL ME HOW TO NOT FEEL THIS ANYMORE!
I just want to sit down and cry sometimes. I have the next couple days off, maybe I'll lock myself away alone and do just that... cry and think and cry some more until its all gone and out of me. I don't ever want to stop feeling - because its not who I am, but I just don't want to feel THIS anymore.